Age Gracefully Advocate Pillows

From here to infirmity.

A faulty mirror.

'Perfect birthday party dear, but so it should be after the practice you've had over so many years.'

"Losing your fizz is very common for a man your age."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Your contents have shifted."

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

Old Karate Master

Parts Department

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

Aging Problems

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

"I noticed a few browns."

"Sitting on a beanbag doesn't take me back to the seventies- it just makes me wonder how I'm ever going to get up again."

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

"I come from the future."

The Aging of Underwear

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

"I'm pretty sure the middle-aged upper-arm jiggle is the one thing there's not a niche market for."

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

"Put it under your pillow, and maybe you'll get a visit from the hair fairy."

"It's too late for a nose job and too early for a face-lift."

"Well, Dr. Garcia said he's doing all he can, but he can't make me any younger. But I don't care about getting younger. I just want to keep getting older."

'You have to do something...My husband just doesn't look at me the way he used to.'

A senior moment.

'Doctor, how can I prevent wrinkles? Don't sleep in your clothes.'

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'