Age With Grace Advocate Pillows

'I'm afraid my husband will stop loving me as I get older.' - 'Mine would never do that with me. You know why, don't you. He's an antique dealer.'

'Of course you're a failure! Look at you - seventy-two and you've never had a mid-life crisis!'

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Your contents have shifted."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

'There's old Jim off to the shops. Slowed down a lot these days, ain't he.'

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"We REALLY do get better with age."

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

Snail Pattern Balding.

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

"I noticed a few browns."

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

"I come from the future."

"I'm pretty sure the middle-aged upper-arm jiggle is the one thing there's not a niche market for."

"Losing your fizz is very common for a man your age."

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

"Well, Dr. Garcia said he's doing all he can, but he can't make me any younger. But I don't care about getting younger. I just want to keep getting older."

'Doctor, how can I prevent wrinkles? Don't sleep in your clothes.'

A senior moment.

I think it's time to retire from boxing. I'm too old for life in the fist lane.

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

Don't laugh - when you get old, your neck will get saggy, too.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who has the best facelift of them all?

'Of course I'll love you when you 'go grey'... Why shouldn't I... I've loved you through six other shades!'

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

Sir Isaac Newton Sucks!

"When I was your age I would have snagged that before it hit the ground."

'I wish I had more hair.' 'Don't be a silly billy. You've got plenty of hair. Here's your bald, I mean your boiled, egg.'

'You know you're getting older when the old 'fire in your belly' is actually acid reflux.

An extremely general practitioner

Aging Sign # 23: you're dehydrated and yet up peeing all night.