Positive Aging Advocate Gifts

Don't call me old...I prefer 'chronologically challenged'.

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Your contents have shifted."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"We REALLY do get better with age."

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

"Sitting on a beanbag doesn't take me back to the seventies- it just makes me wonder how I'm ever going to get up again."

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

'I'm feeling so good, I'm worried I may catch some uplift anxiety.'

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

"I come from the future."

"Well, Dr. Garcia said he's doing all he can, but he can't make me any younger. But I don't care about getting younger. I just want to keep getting older."

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

'Doctor, how can I prevent wrinkles? Don't sleep in your clothes.'

A senior moment.

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

'I don't know which health issue should concern me more - the voices in my head or the fact that I need a hearing aid to hear them.'

Sir Isaac Newton Sucks!

Don't laugh - when you get old, your neck will get saggy, too.

Not a Work Place, a Wow Place.

'Of course I'll love you when you 'go grey'... Why shouldn't I... I've loved you through six other shades!'

"He's always been an optimist."

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who has the best facelift of them all?

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

"When I was your age I would have snagged that before it hit the ground."

'I wish I had more hair.' 'Don't be a silly billy. You've got plenty of hair. Here's your bald, I mean your boiled, egg.'

'You know you're getting older when the old 'fire in your belly' is actually acid reflux.

An extremely general practitioner

"Another birthday. I feel like a dinosaur."