Aging Awareness Supporter Gifts

'I don't know which health issue should concern me more - the voices in my head or the fact that I need a hearing aid to hear them.'

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Your contents have shifted."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

'There's old Jim off to the shops. Slowed down a lot these days, ain't he.'

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

"Where do you remember last seeing your glasses?"

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"We REALLY do get better with age."

"I noticed a few browns."

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

"I come from the future."

"Well, Dr. Garcia said he's doing all he can, but he can't make me any younger. But I don't care about getting younger. I just want to keep getting older."

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

"I'm pretty sure the middle-aged upper-arm jiggle is the one thing there's not a niche market for."

"Nice try, but I don't think whisky counts as an 'essential medication'."

Introducing Life Alarm for people who have fallen but don't want to get up.

'Doctor, how can I prevent wrinkles? Don't sleep in your clothes.'

A senior moment.

'Of course I'll love you when you 'go grey'... Why shouldn't I... I've loved you through six other shades!'

"When I was your age I would have snagged that before it hit the ground."

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

I think it's time to retire from boxing. I'm too old for life in the fist lane.

Don't laugh - when you get old, your neck will get saggy, too.

Sir Isaac Newton Sucks!

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

'I wish I had more hair.' 'Don't be a silly billy. You've got plenty of hair. Here's your bald, I mean your boiled, egg.'

'You know you're getting older when the old 'fire in your belly' is actually acid reflux.