Anti-ageing Advocate Gifts

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Your contents have shifted."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

"We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?"

"I come from the future."

"Well, Dr. Garcia said he's doing all he can, but he can't make me any younger. But I don't care about getting younger. I just want to keep getting older."

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

'Doctor, how can I prevent wrinkles? Don't sleep in your clothes.'

A senior moment.

"When I was your age I would have snagged that before it hit the ground."

'Of course I'll love you when you 'go grey'... Why shouldn't I... I've loved you through six other shades!'

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

Sir Isaac Newton Sucks!

'I don't know which health issue should concern me more - the voices in my head or the fact that I need a hearing aid to hear them.'

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

'I wish I had more hair.' 'Don't be a silly billy. You've got plenty of hair. Here's your bald, I mean your boiled, egg.'

An extremely general practitioner

'You know you're getting older when the old 'fire in your belly' is actually acid reflux.

"Another birthday. I feel like a dinosaur."

'The sleigh's at the Smithsonian, the reindeer are at the museum of natural history, and Santa is at a retirement community somewhere in Florida.'

"I think my fat has GPS. Every time I lose some, it always finds its way back home."

"I don't feel ready to commit to a cacoon, either, but do you ever worry we'll wake up one day and be forty and still caterpillars?"