Longevity Advocate Gifts

"Because people are living longer, I'm having to diversify..."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Let me assure you that my congressional delegation and I are devoting our full attention to the harmful effects of e-cigarettes. . ."

"Your contents have shifted."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

"It's time we discuss menopause and climax change."

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

Health Nut with a 60-Pack

"I come from the future."

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

My philosophy ... If you can't beat 'em, outlive 'em.

"Well, Dr. Garcia said he's doing all he can, but he can't make me any younger. But I don't care about getting younger. I just want to keep getting older."

"You're too sedentary."

'Doctor, how can I prevent wrinkles? Don't sleep in your clothes.'

A senior moment.

'Luckily he has dementia so he's go some imaginary friends coming in to look after him.'

Don't laugh - when you get old, your neck will get saggy, too.

World Health Organization

That's Seven in Human Years