Ageing Advocate Gifts

"Working with the elderly requires significant capital investment....ramps, high raise chairs, alarms."

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

"Someone to see you!"

"I'm the lot of baggage he comes with."

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who has the best facelift of them all?

Sir Isaac Newton Sucks!

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

"Alright, Grandfather, let's check your ticker."

"I was on hormone replacement for two years before I realized I needed Steve replacement."

Potts is having a job keeping up with the young turks.

'Oh no! We forgot to unstrap granny before we left!'

How to save money on geriatric care?

Don't call me old...I prefer 'chronologically challenged'.

'He steals from the drug companies and gives to the elderly!'

The Leap of Faith Taken by Alzheimer's Caregivers

"Methuselah's been retired for over 800 years, but what is he retired from?"

Face it, Sven, we're old - pillage doesn't mean what it used to mean.

Angry pensioner

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

"I appreciate you want to keep an eye on me, but is that really necessary?"

Yeah, I'm taking care of my parents now, too.

Just to see the expression on their faces, store clerk Rodney Clatch liked to offer senior discounts to 40-something women.

Geriatrics struggle with a personnel shortage.

"I don't want your darn money! Get back here with that glass!"

"Wrong! I've got a full time job. . . it's called old age."

Age Concern and Pension concerns.

Sadie's sick. Right. With laryngitis. Maybe something worse. She's got spots on her larynx. They did a biopsy. Oh no. She's in her 80s. She's planning for the worst. In case I die, I want you to know I don't like you. Just respect me.

'She'll come round to the idea of a Granny Flat eventually.'

When job hunting, your age will get in the way - but only if you place it centre stage.

Pension Calculation

"Make my face sag - I want people to think I've never had plastic surgery."

Little Did She Know

"I assure you that you don't have Alzheimer's because you paid my fee last week."

Alzheimer's and the Vicious Circle of Slow Death

"Relax, I've been specializing in gerontology for over six months."