Longevity Advocate Pillows

"Because people are living longer, I'm having to diversify..."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Let me assure you that my congressional delegation and I are devoting our full attention to the harmful effects of e-cigarettes. . ."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"Your contents have shifted."

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

"It's time we discuss menopause and climax change."

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

Health Nut with a 60-Pack

"I come from the future."

"Well, Dr. Garcia said he's doing all he can, but he can't make me any younger. But I don't care about getting younger. I just want to keep getting older."

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

My philosophy ... If you can't beat 'em, outlive 'em.

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

A senior moment.

'Doctor, how can I prevent wrinkles? Don't sleep in your clothes.'

'Luckily he has dementia so he's go some imaginary friends coming in to look after him.'

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

World Health Organization

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."