Longevity Enthusiast Pillows

"He's 104. He always comes back on his birthday - I worked out he'd be gone at 69."

'I'm writing you a prescription. Do you want a longer life with less quality or vice versa?'

'I think you'll be interested in the next patient. He's ninety two years old and accompanied by his parents.'

'I'm afraid we've had the results back and it's bad news...he could live to be a hundred.'

"Only one a day, my dear, that's my secret." (Man has giant glass of wine).

'So what's the reason for your long life? I suppose it was because I was born a long time ago.'

'No sweat, dad. If I'm going to live to be one hundred and six there's still plenty of time for improvement.'

"If you give up what makes life worth living, you'll live longer."

'Antioxidants! Antioxidants!'

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

"Where do you see yourself in 200 years?"

"The secret to longevity is good genes, good diet, a good lawyer and witnesses with weak eyesight and poor memories."

'Well, I retired at 55: 75 years ago as of last June...'

'You know what they say, one hundred and ten is the new one hundred.'

'On average a woman lives seven years longer than a man. So when I'm 80, I'm having a sex change.'

'Getting old isn't so bad when you consider the only other alternative. . .'

'Frankly I'm looking for a doctor I won't outlive and have to change to another.'

"Why should I want to add years to my life when they all come at the end?"

"That's Ms Pitt. She's been entrenched on high alert at the front desk for 42 years."

'Our reputation for longevity is based on several factors: hard work, simple food, lack of stress, and the inability to count correctly.'

'Studies show more people are living into their 90's and we're smarter.'

'I exercised all my life. Took my vitamins, watched my diet, and where did it get me? A major illness at one hundred and four.'

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'According to Methuselah, life begins at 794.'

The Secret of Long Life...

"This is Norman - eighty-seven and never a mid-life crisis in his life."

"If I win, I'm taking my payments over the next 30 years!"

"I never thought you'd live to be 90 either. By the way, you're only 67."

Methuselah and His Royal Candle Blowers

'Life is too long not to worry.'

Happy 100th Birthday

'Living 900 years is all right, but your great-great-great-great-great-great- grandchildren never come to visit.'

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"Next of kin? Well, there's Mom and Dad."

"The secret to a long life?... Waking up every morning."