Porch Relaxer Gifts

"Ahhh... close enough."

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

'Will you please stop feeding the pigeons?!'

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

Cat Panels. Cats soak up sun on rooftop like solar panels.

'When are you going to learn to relax?'

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

'No, that's not my shaving lotion. We've been burning cow chips in the wood stove.'

A man gets a paper cut while reading in his back yard and is attacked by 'Lawn Sharks'.

"I think he just ashed on me."

"We missed Fashion Week!"

'A lovely day, a good meal, and, thank heaven, no guilt.'

'Oh, for god's sake just ignore it!'

'Like I'm going to give this up to migrate.'

'Why is it that as soon as the sun comes out the flies come out too.'

Leaves falling from a roof garden.

"I'll be on the porch, pushing ninety."

Inbox and outbox for books

"This is one of those beautiful summer days when I'm flooded with memories of things that never happened to me."

"Why don't other people ever do this?"

'Everybody's entitled to have a hobby. Mine's growing grass.'

'They're clouds, Bob. You can't channel surf.'

'I realize you love my boat, but you've been on it for nearly a month now. Do me a favor and go home.'

Visit a Place in your Past...

"Would it have killed him to create a screened-in porch?!"

"Yes, mother, I'm recharging."

'Have you ever imagined a world without stupid hypothetical questions?'

'Care of your new hammock. Let's face it, whatever we write here, you're not going to bother.'

Townsfolk enjoying some personal time off at their local mountain spring.

'Now this how you handle the end of summer...'

'Nothing like a cup o' Joe before you mow.'

Calm in the Face of Chaos