Porch Dweller Gifts

"This is one of those beautiful summer days when I'm flooded with memories of things that never happened to me."

"The screen porch makes it a home."

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

"Hello, son. I suppose chicken farming doesn't seem so bad now."

At times Richard dreaded coming home, as he knew he'd have to face the music.

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

"Come and get it!"

"I know. I miss him, too."

'No, that's not my shaving lotion. We've been burning cow chips in the wood stove.'

'Woke up this morning found someone had stolen my guitar...'

What makes us Canadian? It's in our DNeh!

"We missed Fashion Week!"

The moles have adapted to the winter weather.

"I'll be on the porch, pushing ninety."

'Sunday in the park'

A slow-moving predator, the couch only needs to eat every few years.

Early American Think tank

'Why would you need GPS? Have you suddenly forgotten how to get from the couch to the refrigerator?'

'Would you like me to sing you the news?'

"Would it have killed him to create a screened-in porch?!"

Calm in the Face of Chaos

'There's nothing worth watching on TV, but he's not going to let a little thing like that stop him.'

"The Hewletts have flaming crown roast au vin blanc every Wednesday."

'Why would I want an ocean-going yacht when I've got a rocking chair in my front porch?'

Beware of Curmudgeon!

'The best part of growing old is not having to invest for the long term.'

"Hello, county? You folks are over doing the mosquito fogging today!"

A woman reads a magazine in the park

"I like you a whole lot better when you was alive."

"My husband used his rejected manuscripts to make these columns."

"So, has Grandpa's 'longevity pay' kicked in yet?"

Patio Melt

'Because of the picturesque nature of your house, the government would like to list it...one of you will have to sit on the porch at all times.'ou

'Unga always wanted to fish from his front porch'