Pollsters Pillows

'Our next question: is the world a safer place than it was a year ago?'

"Hot off the wire! In the latest poll, 99% of voters say they will be glad when the election is over... The poll has an error rate of plus or minus 2%."

"Look, I watched bush for his first hundred days and now I'm trying to take a nap, O.K."

"Well, this isn't good. Even our tribalism is becoming polarized."

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

'Kroft, Kroft, Kroft...to thine own demographic be true!'

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

"Do you think the 'Taliban' is: (a) a cellphone company; (b) a deodorant (c) a terrorist company

Ranked Voting in N.Y.C.

King Solomon's Pollster.

"Bob wait, let's do the survey first! Sir, on a scale of 1, poor, to 10, excellent, how would you rate our chase today?"

'Promise me you'll say Yes / No / Don't know ...'

'According to the latest poll, 64% of the public don't pay any attention to polls...'

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

'Please, Ma'am — I'm running out of paper!'

"Our intelligence shows that everybody loves us."

"If I vote my conscience, it's Sanders. If I vote my pocketbook, it's Trump. If I vote my emotions, it's Hillary. If I vote my anger, it's Cruz..."

Elections in the USA

'Which scares you most - Iran, North Korea, or the alternative minimum tax?'

Pollster

'Can you spare a minute, madam - I'm doing a king of all I survey.'

"We've stared at the election map for so long it's become a Magic Eye poster."

Desk of Public Opinion Polls has 'In' box 'Out' box and 'Undecided'.

The US election is over.

'For? Against? Undecided? Uniformed? Apathetic? This is one accurate poll!'

'They're called 'numbers' -- Now we can have public opinion polls!'

"We made mistakes & have evidently lost the trust of the public. Therefore I feel I must tender my resignation..."

EU Polling Station

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

election polling

Carl's still 51 annoyed at you for saying his opinion was statistically insignificant.

Pollsters

"A new survey shows only 3% of Americans take surveys, but everyone believes the stupid things."