Polling Pro Pillows

"Election campaigns are tough, you've got to make sure that candidates are properly prepared!"

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

'Kroft, Kroft, Kroft...to thine own demographic be true!'

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

"Do you think the 'Taliban' is: (a) a cellphone company; (b) a deodorant (c) a terrorist company

Ranked Voting in N.Y.C.

King Solomon's Pollster.

"Bob wait, let's do the survey first! Sir, on a scale of 1, poor, to 10, excellent, how would you rate our chase today?"

'Promise me you'll say Yes / No / Don't know ...'

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

'Please, Ma'am — I'm running out of paper!'

"Our intelligence shows that everybody loves us."

"If I vote my conscience, it's Sanders. If I vote my pocketbook, it's Trump. If I vote my emotions, it's Hillary. If I vote my anger, it's Cruz..."

'Which scares you most - Iran, North Korea, or the alternative minimum tax?'

Pollster

'Can you spare a minute, madam - I'm doing a king of all I survey.'

"We've stared at the election map for so long it's become a Magic Eye poster."

Desk of Public Opinion Polls has 'In' box 'Out' box and 'Undecided'.

Elections in the USA

"Hot off the wire! In the latest poll, 99% of voters say they will be glad when the election is over... The poll has an error rate of plus or minus 2%."

'For? Against? Undecided? Uniformed? Apathetic? This is one accurate poll!'

The US election is over.

'They're called 'numbers' -- Now we can have public opinion polls!'

"A new survey shows only 3% of Americans take surveys, but everyone believes the stupid things."

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

Pollsters

Carl's still 51 annoyed at you for saying his opinion was statistically insignificant.

election polling

"We made mistakes & have evidently lost the trust of the public. Therefore I feel I must tender my resignation..."

'I know I was just here yesterday, but the courts ordered a recount.'