Poll Pal Pillows

"The election result was predictably unpredictable."

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

Theatre Crowd

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

"Do you think the 'Taliban' is: (a) a cellphone company; (b) a deodorant (c) a terrorist company

Ranked Voting in N.Y.C.

King Solomon's Pollster.

"Bob wait, let's do the survey first! Sir, on a scale of 1, poor, to 10, excellent, how would you rate our chase today?"

'Promise me you'll say Yes / No / Don't know ...'

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

'Please, Ma'am — I'm running out of paper!'

"Our intelligence shows that everybody loves us."

"If I vote my conscience, it's Sanders. If I vote my pocketbook, it's Trump. If I vote my emotions, it's Hillary. If I vote my anger, it's Cruz..."

'Which scares you most - Iran, North Korea, or the alternative minimum tax?'

Pollster

'Can you spare a minute, madam - I'm doing a king of all I survey.'

"We've stared at the election map for so long it's become a Magic Eye poster."

Desk of Public Opinion Polls has 'In' box 'Out' box and 'Undecided'.

Elections in the USA

"Hot off the wire! In the latest poll, 99% of voters say they will be glad when the election is over... The poll has an error rate of plus or minus 2%."

'For? Against? Undecided? Uniformed? Apathetic? This is one accurate poll!'

The US election is over.

'They're called 'numbers' -- Now we can have public opinion polls!'

"A new survey shows only 3% of Americans take surveys, but everyone believes the stupid things."

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

Pollsters

Carl's still 51 annoyed at you for saying his opinion was statistically insignificant.

election polling

"We made mistakes & have evidently lost the trust of the public. Therefore I feel I must tender my resignation..."

'I know I was just here yesterday, but the courts ordered a recount.'