Polling Place Patron Gifts

'We're here to cancel each other's vote.'

Tut and Carmen.

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"I'll have another Rob Roy and a cup of coffee for my friend here."

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

'The Saxon King' pub

Surreal ale

"Now this is what I call an honest little pub!"

"Gotta go, lads, I smell death."

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

Pub Kendo.

"Ignore gordon. He's had a snootfull."

'Crumbs! I'm holding out for the whole loaf.'

'Your wife doesn't understand you. . .'

Theatrical Christmas.

Circus trousers

'I badly need to speak to my husband - can you get me a job as a barmaid?'

"Oh him, that's Ron. He's a permanent fixture in here."

'Can you do me a low alcohol tequila slammer?'

'One thing about beer -- you never get buyer's remorse.'

'Boozer's Week.'

'It's very quiet in here, with everyone Twittering away.'

Village Pet Shop.

"I am in a buying mood, but I still can't afford to buy anything."

Beer....Beer Fart.

"The election result was predictably unpredictable."

"Right - let's get back to the house and pretend to hate each other..."

"Do you realize that we spend one-third of our lives in bed and the other two-thirds in here?"

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

"The usual, please."

"I can't help the fact he's fallen in love with the barmaids poodle."

The only "fake news" we care about is fake IDs.

'Dang it! I can't find a voting app.'

'Pint of Binge, please. . .'