Regular Patron Gifts

'The usual.'

"Oh him, that's Ron. He's a permanent fixture in here."

Queen of Quinoa

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"I'll have another Rob Roy and a cup of coffee for my friend here."

'When we first met there was a chemistry between us. These days though, it's more of a 'chemistry set'.'

'The Saxon King' pub

Surreal ale

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

"Now this is what I call an honest little pub!"

"Gotta go, lads, I smell death."

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

Please Wait and wait and wait.

Pub Kendo.

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

"Ignore gordon. He's had a snootfull."

'Crumbs! I'm holding out for the whole loaf.'

'Your wife doesn't understand you. . .'

"Miss Sadie did remember several pets in her will."

"Just iced tea, please. Hot coffee goes right through me."

'Can you do me a low alcohol tequila slammer?'

'I badly need to speak to my husband - can you get me a job as a barmaid?'

'One thing about beer -- you never get buyer's remorse.'

'Boozer's Week.'

"Do you realize that we spend one-third of our lives in bed and the other two-thirds in here?"

"The usual, please."

"They're flipping to see who pays for the meal."

'Hi, I'm Raoul...I shall be your talking point of the evening.'

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

'No, you may NOT see a menu.'

"Right - let's get back to the house and pretend to hate each other..."