Consistent Patron Gifts

Tavern: Perfect Attendance.

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

Queen of Quinoa

"I'll have another Rob Roy and a cup of coffee for my friend here."

'When we first met there was a chemistry between us. These days though, it's more of a 'chemistry set'.'

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

Surreal ale

'The Saxon King' pub

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

Wanna talk about it?

"Gotta go, lads, I smell death."

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

Please Wait and wait and wait.

"Ignore gordon. He's had a snootfull."

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

"No matter the weather or what's on my plate, I'm here at five. That's discipline."

Pub Kendo.

'Your wife doesn't understand you. . .'

'Crumbs! I'm holding out for the whole loaf.'

'I badly need to speak to my husband - can you get me a job as a barmaid?'

"Oh him, that's Ron. He's a permanent fixture in here."

'Can you do me a low alcohol tequila slammer?'

"Just iced tea, please. Hot coffee goes right through me."

'One thing about beer -- you never get buyer's remorse.'

'Boozer's Week.'

'I said I wanted a cake with a naked bird coming out of it.'

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

"Do you realize that we spend one-third of our lives in bed and the other two-thirds in here?"

Who's Not Who.

"Right - let's get back to the house and pretend to hate each other..."

"It's nothing new. We've always offered a complimentary beard wash following an order of ribs."

"The usual, please."

"No thanks, just the peanuts."