Bar Patron Gifts

"I feel I have perspective but mostly because I'm tall."

The Dreadlock Comb-over's one-night beta test.

"I'll have the good cocktail." "I'll have the bad cocktail."

"I think my harem is seeing someone else."

'He called me a whippersnapper - is that good or bad?'

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

Beer Stall

"It's a new countertop draft system for craft beer!"

"A pint! I'll need proof, and that's human years, not dog years!"

Shaken not stirred

Best Before 5th Pint.

"It's kind of sweet when they're all settled in like this."

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

"I'll have another Rob Roy and a cup of coffee for my friend here."

The Reaper's Arms

"Stranger, you're sitting in the boss's personal spot. That's why they moved the dart board over your head."

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"My wife left me. Then my hard drive died."

"Have you seen my dad?"

"... And to this day, she still blames the dog!"

Traditional Ale - Traditional Drunk

It's our new twin-handle beer mug. It's for manly, two-fisted drinkers, as well as weaklings like you who can't lift it with one hand.

'Looks like a good day fah haulin' lobstah, eh, Pauley?...Let's just say it became a good day fah drinkin'...'

"Quick, I need a drink. Someone just called me Ma'am."

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

Bar: Now serving 24 hours - 'I want to get as wasted as you look.'

Infinity Tavern

'The Saxon King' pub

Brew 'N' Brouhaha

'I'm having trouble with my drinking. Arthritis in my elbow.'

'I'm sorry, we don't serve spirits.'

"It's really important to me, as an artist, to make you feel like drinking more than usual so I get hired back."

Buy one beer, get one free. If I may paraphrase a famous quote, "Beer is proof that God has mixed feelings about us and wants us to be hungover."