Bar Owners Gifts

"I'm telling you we don't have absinthe. How about a white wine?"

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

Fast food. Even faster food

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

Try to guess the continent dining...

"Something romantic, perhaps?"

Today's special... donuts.

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

Mac's Bait and Sushi Shop

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

Bar snacks served in bird-feeders.

"It's a new countertop draft system for craft beer!"

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

"A pint! I'll need proof, and that's human years, not dog years!"

"I understand this diner has quite a reputation."

Best Before 5th Pint.

Shaken not stirred

"This is our soft opening."

Hashimoto's Restaurant - Sushi Like Mother Used to Make!

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

Beer Stall

Desert $2.75. See? -- It wasn't a typo.

Kitchen Kapers