Pub Owners Gifts

JOE'S BAR, 'You can't call Joe a racist for throwing you out, dummy - you're both WHITE!'

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"Remember when it was 'The Dog and Duck'?"

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

Fast food. Even faster food

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

Today's special... donuts.

Mac's Bait and Sushi Shop

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"Something romantic, perhaps?"

Try to guess the continent dining...

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

Kitchen Kapers

Bar snacks served in bird-feeders.

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

"I understand this diner has quite a reputation."

City Boy.

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

"This is our soft opening."

'I know it's gassy...'

Hashimoto's Restaurant - Sushi Like Mother Used to Make!

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

Beer Stall

Desert $2.75. See? -- It wasn't a typo.