Pub Patron Gifts

'Boozer's Week.'

'Pint of Binge, please. . .'

'I didn't have any idea who I was going to vote for... then I saw a lawn sign...'

'I think I have a drink problem, doctor, but do you mind if we discuss it in the pub?'

'Your wife doesn't understand you. . .'

'It's very quiet in here, with everyone Twittering away.'

"Time gentlemen please!!"

"I watched my first adult film the other day – I couldn't believe how young I looked..!"

That bloke gets on my wick...

"Right - let's get back to the house and pretend to hate each other..."

Surreal ale

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

"Water circulates in the same direction. Believe me...I've dropped my phone in toilets in both hemispheres."

'Yeah, but tomorrow I'll be sober, and you'll still be a giraffe!'

"That's cute, but you'll never realize your phone's ringing in here if your ringtone's a belch."

"That's right -- rub it in!"

The Ventriloquist's Arms

"The usual, please."

'This is my favourite watering hole!'

'No, the job doesn't pay a lot but,as long as I have enough to spend my evenings in the pub, I'm happy.'

"Oi ,let it ring. That's my favourite song"

'I will fight to the death your right to say that, but not in this place!'

JOE'S BAR, CLOSED FOR ELECTION DAY, 'See? -- the terrorists have already won!'

"He always gets out the same way...Legless-Before-Wicket."

"You're getting better."

'Can you do me a low alcohol tequila slammer?'

'You must spend you whole life in here.' - 'No, sometimes I go down to the Crown.'

'I'm going away for a few days and I need somebody to keep my old lady satisfied... stick out your tongue.'

'And I say, to blazes with the hallowed peace of the countryside!'

Is your girlfriend still playing hard-to-get? No - now she's playing keep-away.

Anger management pub.

'The Saxon King' pub

'I badly need to speak to my husband - can you get me a job as a barmaid?'

He dropped ten quid.

Poster: Wessex Hunt Meets Here (job hunters)