Consistent Patron Pillows

Tavern: Perfect Attendance.

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

Queen of Quinoa

'When we first met there was a chemistry between us. These days though, it's more of a 'chemistry set'.'

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"I'll have another Rob Roy and a cup of coffee for my friend here."

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

Surreal ale

'The Saxon King' pub

Wanna talk about it?

"Gotta go, lads, I smell death."

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

Please Wait and wait and wait.

Pub Kendo.

"No matter the weather or what's on my plate, I'm here at five. That's discipline."

"Ignore gordon. He's had a snootfull."

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

'Crumbs! I'm holding out for the whole loaf.'

'Your wife doesn't understand you. . .'

"Oh him, that's Ron. He's a permanent fixture in here."

'I badly need to speak to my husband - can you get me a job as a barmaid?'

'Can you do me a low alcohol tequila slammer?'

'One thing about beer -- you never get buyer's remorse.'

"Just iced tea, please. Hot coffee goes right through me."

'Boozer's Week.'

'It's very quiet in here, with everyone Twittering away.'

Who's Not Who.

"Right - let's get back to the house and pretend to hate each other..."

'I said I wanted a cake with a naked bird coming out of it.'

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

Beer....Beer Fart.

"The usual, please."

"Do you realize that we spend one-third of our lives in bed and the other two-thirds in here?"

The only "fake news" we care about is fake IDs.