Service-savvy Patron Pillows

"It's nothing new. We've always offered a complimentary beard wash following an order of ribs."

'This fish isn't tank broken - I want a refund!'

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

Wanna talk about it?

'Running your own business means being self-made, unfortunately it also means finding out what you're made of!'

"To keep prices down, we require you to cook your own food, wait in yourselves and wash your dishes."

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

'Hello Sir. I'm Jeff, and I'll be kissing your butt all evening in the hope of getting a decent tip.'

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

'Hold my purse. I'm going in only to complain.'

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

'No Mam. The service charge does not include a change of oil.'

Our specials today include salad and dessert. Tip and service are NOT included.

'I see you've found a cure of the 'new car fever'.'

'I apologize for repeatedly asking if everything is okay, but displaying customer concern is part of our mission statement.'

"I'd recommend this."

"Will that be for here or to go?"

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

'I just asked if you were finding everything alright. I never said I worked here.'

"I used to wait tables but I found I was more suited to producing movies."

'Our customer service was lousy, but from now on, we'll give the personal touch. Let's write to 'Hey lassies and dudes, what's up?'

'Could you show me something that's more feature laden?'

'We're all out of the (bar code) but can I interest you in the (different bar code)?'

'Why on earth did you ask the customer if there was anything else you could do for him??!'

Ring Bell for Service.

"You forgot the straw."

"It won't be long - we're in the process of hiring a cook now."

"This is great!! Now, what's the bad news?"

"It's fancy-schmantzy. I just wanted fancy."

"Fishing takes patience. I'll have more worms next week."

'It's a flight simulator for passengers.'

"I had to bite him once, but now I always get a great table."

"I'd like a glass of tap water, a dirty look and a sarcastic comment please."

"Who do I complain to about your complaint department?"