Sassy Customer Enthusiast Pillows

"I'd like a glass of tap water, a dirty look and a sarcastic comment please."

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

"I'm number 846 on my salon's wait list. You?"

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"Jeez, calm down, Bill. We're not saying you're wrong... Just that you're an idiot."

'What do you mean, 'act my age'?... If I did that I'd be dead!'

Snow cones being sold in a snow globe.

"I'd recommend this."

"Will that be for here or to go?"

'Could you show me something that's more feature laden?'

"Does the phone in my back pocket make my butt look too big?"

The competition's customer vs our customer.

"Right, shall we delay the discussion on customer care again and look at the urgent issue of declining sales and plummeting profits."

'Watch your step. I happen to know you're an alpha male.'

"Miss. Did you ever actually meet Julius Caesar?"

'Waiter, a café with chairs, tables and two coffees please!'

"Do you have something that says, 'Quit stalking me'?"

'Waiter, your tip's getting cold.'

"It won't be long - we're in the process of hiring a cook now."

'Why on earth did you ask the customer if there was anything else you could do for him??!'

"Don't you DARE argue with me you ***(****) or I'll **** your ****."

"It's fancy-schmantzy. I just wanted fancy."

'It's a flight simulator for passengers.'

"And that is where we started to focus on customer care."

The key to a successful customer loyalty program is to make people feel special. Watch and learn. How would you like to join our exclusive VIP Premier Exclusive Best Customer Reward Program? The other key is knowing whom to ask. There's minestrone in your eye.

'Hi, I'm from Complainers Anonymous. Can I see the manager?'

"We've implemented AI, now if we can develop artificial concern for our customers, we'll have it made."

The Niche Economy

"The new car smell is inadequate? Don't move! I'll grab our on-site aromatherapist!"

'Don't bother using the cash machine on the High St. I've worn it out.'