Regular Patron T-Shirts

'The usual.'

"Oh him, that's Ron. He's a permanent fixture in here."

Queen of Quinoa

"I'll have another Rob Roy and a cup of coffee for my friend here."

'When we first met there was a chemistry between us. These days though, it's more of a 'chemistry set'.'

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

Surreal ale

'The Saxon King' pub

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

"The waiter said he wouldn't recommend the octopus, so what do you order? The octopus."

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

"Now this is what I call an honest little pub!"

"Gotta go, lads, I smell death."

Please Wait and wait and wait.

Pub Kendo.

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

"Ignore gordon. He's had a snootfull."

'Crumbs! I'm holding out for the whole loaf.'

'Your wife doesn't understand you. . .'

"Just iced tea, please. Hot coffee goes right through me."

'One thing about beer -- you never get buyer's remorse.'

'I badly need to speak to my husband - can you get me a job as a barmaid?'

'Can you do me a low alcohol tequila slammer?'

"Miss Sadie did remember several pets in her will."

'Boozer's Week.'

The waitstaff at Luigi's like to have fun when they administered the Heimlich maneuver.

'It's very quiet in here, with everyone Twittering away.'

The only "fake news" we care about is fake IDs.

"Do you realize that we spend one-third of our lives in bed and the other two-thirds in here?"

'Hi, I'm Raoul...I shall be your talking point of the evening.'

"They're flipping to see who pays for the meal."

Beer....Beer Fart.

"Right - let's get back to the house and pretend to hate each other..."

"No thanks, just the peanuts."