Public Park Patron Gifts

Convention of municipal gardeners.

A vampire sitting on a park bench at night feeding bats.

'Why Sally, you look so fetching with that stick!'

Ralph spent his Sundays in the park gathering nuts.

The High Line at Giza

'Hey, want to go to the beach ...I mean ...the birdbath?'

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"I'll have another Rob Roy and a cup of coffee for my friend here."

'The Saxon King' pub

"Are we done yet? ... Because I'm turning around now."

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

"Cheers mate, you've done me a solid."

Surreal ale

"Yeah, you were right! The indoor wheel is fun, but running in the park is a lot better..."

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

"Perhaps I should have warned you...They really don't like wholemeal bread."

Wildcats Strike.

"Gotta go, lads, I smell death."

Moms gone wild

"These are wonderful, precious years before he learns that he's benefitting from institutional racism."

Playing in the park....child on a leash.

"You know it's peak allergy season when they welcome Mom back into the flock."

Pub Kendo.

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

"I could have gotten to the top . . . but I wasted all my time in the park."

Park cleaner orders leaf to come down.

"We're temporarily located in an office park, so it would be best if we came to you."

"I once experienced childlike wonder. . . but it was just my anti-depressants kicking in."

"Ignore gordon. He's had a snootfull."

Stories about crumbs

'Your wife doesn't understand you. . .'

'Crumbs! I'm holding out for the whole loaf.'

'One thing about beer -- you never get buyer's remorse.'