Polling Place Patron Pillows

'We're here to cancel each other's vote.'

Tut and Carmen.

"I'll have another Rob Roy and a cup of coffee for my friend here."

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

Surreal ale

'The Saxon King' pub

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

"Now this is what I call an honest little pub!"

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

"Gotta go, lads, I smell death."

"Ignore gordon. He's had a snootfull."

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

Pub Kendo.

'Crumbs! I'm holding out for the whole loaf.'

'Your wife doesn't understand you. . .'

'One thing about beer -- you never get buyer's remorse.'

Circus trousers

"Oh him, that's Ron. He's a permanent fixture in here."

'Can you do me a low alcohol tequila slammer?'

'I badly need to speak to my husband - can you get me a job as a barmaid?'

Theatrical Christmas.

'Boozer's Week.'

"The usual, please."

Village Pet Shop.

"I am in a buying mood, but I still can't afford to buy anything."

"I can't help the fact he's fallen in love with the barmaids poodle."

"Right - let's get back to the house and pretend to hate each other..."

"Do you realize that we spend one-third of our lives in bed and the other two-thirds in here?"

"The election result was predictably unpredictable."

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

'Dang it! I can't find a voting app.'

'Pint of Binge, please. . .'

'The usual.'