Playhouse Patron Pillows

Theatrical Christmas.

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

Tut and Carmen.

Sir Joseph Porter, KCB, First Lord of the Admiralty HMS Pinafore

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

"Biff's old money, Angelo is new money and Boris is funny money."

Tree house.

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"I'll have another Rob Roy and a cup of coffee for my friend here."

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

'The Saxon King' pub

Surreal ale

"Gotta go, lads, I smell death."

"The audience is really classy tonight, they are throwing quail eggs."

To-Let Town Centre Map

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

'I'd love to play house, Kevin, but I've got a business to run.'

3D Theatre

Pub Kendo.

"Ignore gordon. He's had a snootfull."

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

'Your wife doesn't understand you. . .'

'Crumbs! I'm holding out for the whole loaf.'

'I badly need to speak to my husband - can you get me a job as a barmaid?'

Theater Owner Who Refused To Convert To Digital Projection.

'This one is from my pre-arts grant period'

'One thing about beer -- you never get buyer's remorse.'

'Cleanliness is next to...impossible.'

'Can you do me a low alcohol tequila slammer?'

Circus trousers

'I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen, but in order for Act 3 to go on we'll need an additional $17,000!'

Chick Billiard Ball

'Boozer's Week.'