Playhouse Patron Gifts

Theatrical Christmas.

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

Tut and Carmen.

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

Tree house.

Sir Joseph Porter, KCB, First Lord of the Admiralty HMS Pinafore

"Biff's old money, Angelo is new money and Boris is funny money."

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"I'll have another Rob Roy and a cup of coffee for my friend here."

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

'The Saxon King' pub

Surreal ale

That kid's all business.

I'd like to donate to your theater, but

"The audience is really classy tonight, they are throwing quail eggs."

"Gotta go, lads, I smell death."

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

To-Let Town Centre Map

'I'd love to play house, Kevin, but I've got a business to run.'

3D Theatre

Pub Kendo.

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

"Ignore gordon. He's had a snootfull."

'Crumbs! I'm holding out for the whole loaf.'

'Your wife doesn't understand you. . .'

Chick Billiard Ball

Theater Owner Who Refused To Convert To Digital Projection.

'One thing about beer -- you never get buyer's remorse.'

'This one is from my pre-arts grant period'

'Cleanliness is next to...impossible.'

'I badly need to speak to my husband - can you get me a job as a barmaid?'

Circus trousers

'Can you do me a low alcohol tequila slammer?'

'I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen, but in order for Act 3 to go on we'll need an additional $17,000!'