Theater Patron Gifts

Tut and Carmen.

"You're right. I guess they can make anything into a musical."

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

"Biff's old money, Angelo is new money and Boris is funny money."

Sir Joseph Porter, KCB, First Lord of the Admiralty HMS Pinafore

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"I'll have another Rob Roy and a cup of coffee for my friend here."

'It's my favorite.'

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

Surreal ale

'The Saxon King' pub

Leonore from Fidelio

I'd like to donate to your theater, but

Wildcats Strike.

"The audience is really classy tonight, they are throwing quail eggs."

To-Let Town Centre Map

"Gotta go, lads, I smell death."

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

Funding Cuts for the Arts

"Cultural economy - keep it going."

"Yes, but is it art?"

Tilted painting

"Ignore gordon. He's had a snootfull."

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

Pub Kendo.

"Take us to Lady Gaga."

'Crumbs! I'm holding out for the whole loaf.'

'Your wife doesn't understand you. . .'

Circus trousers

'One thing about beer -- you never get buyer's remorse.'

'Can you do me a low alcohol tequila slammer?'

'I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen, but in order for Act 3 to go on we'll need an additional $17,000!'

'This one is from my pre-arts grant period'

'I badly need to speak to my husband - can you get me a job as a barmaid?'