Political Pundit Of Wine Gifts

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

You Are Here - Uncle Sam's Exit Strategy

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

"Would madam like to sniff the resealable cap?"

Wino Appreciation Group

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

Wine: New & Old!!!

'Ahh, the '74 Amarone. Unfortunately, I can't sell it to you. There's no possible way you'd appreciate it.'

"I find a good cabernet is the best way to put my money where my mouth is."

"Do you have a wine that tastes like beer?"

Recreational and Medicinal Wines

'Sir has made the most discerning choice to wash it down with Drain Glug.'

"I'm getting earthy overtones of guilt, with just a hint of sexual frustration."

'I noticed your wine list only has reds and whites. Don't you have any yellow wines?'

"Would sir like to try the wine. . . ?"

The Fiscal Cliff.

'For future reference, just the bottle goes in the chiller.'

"Would you like an ice bucket with your Champagne?"

'You opened it five hours ago. If it breathes any more, it's going to hyperventilate.'

'How wonderful, I've always wanted to meet a connoisseur of wines costing under £4.99 a bottle.'

'How come your oldest vintage is on the top shelf?' 'I can't reach up there!'

'Marriage is a wonderful institution, I'll grant you that, but who wants to live in an institution?'

A nice Chianti?

"Welcome to your local polling place..."