Political Pundit Of Wine Pillows

'This wine is liberal bordering on the reckless. Bring me something more capitalist.'

You Are Here - Uncle Sam's Exit Strategy

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

"Would madam like to sniff the resealable cap?"

Wino Appreciation Group

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

Al, you know how a lot of people in Britain regretted their decision to leave the European Union? I was just wondering if you ever regretted your decision to leave the human race.

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

Wine: New & Old!!!

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

'Ahh, the '74 Amarone. Unfortunately, I can't sell it to you. There's no possible way you'd appreciate it.'

"Wait. Let it breathe."

"I find a good cabernet is the best way to put my money where my mouth is."

"Nope, no need to smell the cork."

With some regularity, loony old Uncle Mort rants about his political theories and blatherings. Today: His long-winded theory about the debt-ceiling negotiations. Feel free to nod off … It's the escalation of a religious war in this country. I'm listening, sort of. Those of us who believe in the role of government believe that mankind can improve our lot through innovation, investment, science. But those who oppose government essentially believe that our fate lies with God. Wake up, I'm pontifica

"Do you have a wine that tastes like beer?"

"Would sir like to try the wine. . . ?"

"It's disappointing, but if that's the biggest you've got ..."

'Sir has made the most discerning choice to wash it down with Drain Glug.'

'I noticed your wine list only has reds and whites. Don't you have any yellow wines?'

Recreational and Medicinal Wines

"I'm getting earthy overtones of guilt, with just a hint of sexual frustration."

The Fiscal Cliff.

'For future reference, just the bottle goes in the chiller.'

'How come your oldest vintage is on the top shelf?' 'I can't reach up there!'

A nice Chianti?

'You opened it five hours ago. If it breathes any more, it's going to hyperventilate.'

"Would you like an ice bucket with your Champagne?"

"Welcome to your local polling place..."

'How wonderful, I've always wanted to meet a connoisseur of wines costing under £4.99 a bottle.'