Polite Comedian Gifts

Policeman and cab tout,

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

"With an average vote of 3.5 stars, the legislation is passed."

Daffodil bulbs

O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art though, Romeo? Seriously, wherefore art thou? Shakespeare in the Dark.

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

Inflation Is Up, Interest Rates Are Going Up. . . I'm Asking You To UP Your Donation.

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

"What if my inner demons want to write about bunnies?"

Ted Cruz announced he's running for president. He's not going to win. He was the first to announce. No first-announcer has won since 1952. Besides, his name's too similar to Tom Cruise. And Tom Cruise is so not in right now. HOJ. We should have our own political show. If I an do it shirtless, I'm in.

"...They must be poor catchers, there's two men behind the plate."

Surreal Ale Pub.

'Vacuums!'

"Listen, the first pterodactyl of spring."

Just Survived My 3rd COVID Scare Dance.

Travelling with Child Sketchbook - day 5

Ferguson, Bramley, Osgood & Holt - Big Frogs in a Small Pond.

"He can't tell his left from his right."

'Any idea where my night vision visor is?'

"Could you put me 'on hold' Mom? I could use a hug."

"Russia is run by rich oligarchs. America is run by rich insurance companies."

The Slumber Party.

Now THAT was a speech with something for everybody!

"I don't care if all your friends like that. You go back and put on some more insulation, young lady!"

I was bitten by a radioactive bedbug – My superpower is getting a solid eight hours of sleep every night. Wow. So lucky.

"Well, it looks like it's just me left to get toasted. Have a great day!"

"I've forgotten your face but I remember your mask."

"Dude, don't say it..."

Gary Johnson

'Don't make me use my chemical weapons...'

"You know I don't like to cuddle."

'My backhanded compliments to the chef.'

"Winning isn't everything - it's the only thing!"