Master Of Polite Humor Gifts

'My backhanded compliments to the chef.'

Honest Vending

'You're right, Mr. Benson, no question about it...I agree...yes! Absolutely! Yes...yes...'

Lady Liberty's Self-Care

Corporate Lawyers

Joe Biden

'Oooh, man! You really has me going with that fake shark fin!!'

'You have no idea how difficult life can be when one is totally irresistible to men, Jane.'

"Oh, very funny. If you don't like my cooking just say so!"

"Our flag means debt."

"I tied his line around this log, then I tug on it once in awhile. He's gullible, because it's been three hours now."

"Don't ask me. I don't know what 'my country 'tis of thee' means, either."

'Just answer the question Senator - where is your American flag lapel pin?'

"Yes, when I was young, I was a golden retriever: I'm more like a silver retriever now..."

"My back goes out more often than I do..."

"Well, it looks like it's just me left to get toasted. Have a great day!"

'But I digress.'

"I figured my family could use a padded cell. Actually, I just buy toilet paper in bulk."

Policeman and cab tout,

Extreme Accounting!

"This one will work for a minute, then jag viciously to the left, rotate 360 degrees, then only move sideways!"

"I'd like to buy you a drink, beautiful... but I forgot my wallet in my pants and my pants at home."

'I haven't quite worked out the logistics of working at home and being able to kiss up to the boss.'

"Ernie!! Watch the speed bu....."

Greg and Lee were having hours of fun with their photo copier breakdown remote control.

Stars & Stripes: 'Thank your lucky stars...'

Joe Biden as American Eagle

Don't worry Harris, if we do start cutting back you'll be the first to know.

"I take the fun out of everything. What do you do?"

"Swinging into action is the easy part. It's the waiting that gets you."

Bank manager standing in front of safe has combination written on his hand

Max supplements his income by working as a shill for a plastic surgeon.

'And then the jury decided that I was ready for a long term relationship with the penal code system.'

Hamster Cello tape.

Old Age Measurements