Master Of Jokes Gifts

'Oooh, man! You really has me going with that fake shark fin!!'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'Who folded the annual report into a paper airplane?'

"What's he going to do now, break wind?"

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

'I didn't tell you to 'be quite Frank'. I said,'be quiet, Frank'!'

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

"... And don't come back until you're ready to get funny."

"...Any more of that fowl language and you're barred!"

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

Custard pie ejects from book - 'How to be a clown'

'She must be good at mixing cement - She's been making rock cakes for years.'

King Pin

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

(Singing) 'Doctor, what's wrong with me?' 'Staff in-fec-tion.'

Up your end.

No, sir, that entr

"'Ere, mate - you look like a right muppett..!"

'Always the wise guy.'

Toilet Humour: 'Did you hear about the constipated human?'

Comedy course highlights fake nose

'His dad was a standup. He's a quip off the old block.'

'I told him that's where we keep the keys to his ride.'

Al, trust me� You're ready for tomorrow's comic strip. I really want to nail my performance, Axel. "Waiter, there's a fly in my soup�waiter, there's a fly in my soup�waiter, there's a fly in my soup�waiter, there's a fly in my soup�waiter�"

"He's surprisingly sensitive about heckling."

'Ok, ok, what about this one? There was an Irishman, an Italian and an Englishman ..'

"First caller is Rudolph, from the North Pole, you're on Rudolph. What's your problem?!. . . And before you speak, lt me just remind everyone that I spent ten years as a detective specializing in tracking down prank callers and mercilessly destroying their self-esteem."

Dara O' Briain

"You'll like my mate - he's a scream..!"

'And that one painted and forgot to close the curtains.'

-

'When you discovered your bark was worse than your bite, you decided to see me?'

"Your early stuff was funnier."