Master Of Jokes Pillows

'Oooh, man! You really has me going with that fake shark fin!!'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'Who folded the annual report into a paper airplane?'

"What's he going to do now, break wind?"

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

'I didn't tell you to 'be quite Frank'. I said,'be quiet, Frank'!'

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

"...Any more of that fowl language and you're barred!"

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

"... And don't come back until you're ready to get funny."

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

Custard pie ejects from book - 'How to be a clown'

'She must be good at mixing cement - She's been making rock cakes for years.'

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

King Pin

'Always the wise guy.'

"'Ere, mate - you look like a right muppett..!"

Up your end.

'His dad was a standup. He's a quip off the old block.'

'I told him that's where we keep the keys to his ride.'

Comedy course highlights fake nose

Toilet Humour: 'Did you hear about the constipated human?'

"He's surprisingly sensitive about heckling."

'Ok, ok, what about this one? There was an Irishman, an Italian and an Englishman ..'

"Your early stuff was funnier."

Dara O' Briain

"You'll like my mate - he's a scream..!"

'Don't internalise that simmering rage -- get it out of your system on website comments sections.'

"First caller is Rudolph, from the North Pole, you're on Rudolph. What's your problem?!. . . And before you speak, lt me just remind everyone that I spent ten years as a detective specializing in tracking down prank callers and mercilessly destroying their self-esteem."

'When you discovered your bark was worse than your bite, you decided to see me?'

'And that one painted and forgot to close the curtains.'