Master Of Humor Pillows

"I'm no longer listed an unemployed. I stopped looking for work."

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

'He likes a room where he can reverberate.'

"Damn it,Frank,if I can't bully my staff, who can I bully?"

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

"Kevin, I'm leaving you to find myself ... a better Internet connection."

'I AM a magician! When I wake up granddad from his nap, I turn Gramps into Grumps!'

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

This man is an island.

Pop Top Ice FIshing

'The little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home and shopped online...'

"You text LOL, but you have yet to actualize LOL..."

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

'Whoops. There goes one of my prostheses.'

"I'm a big believer in micromanagement."

Wendel enjoyed magic school but he was having a little trouble in his trickonometry class.

"Sir? - it's clowntime."

Clown's knee reflex sends doctor through ceiling

'After sleeping on it, I've decided not to allow power naps.'

Up your end.

"I hate doing appraisals, it involves thinking about them."

"The good new is I found your dentures. The bad news is the dog has a new chew toy."

"…And what do you think the cracker might represent?"

"I'm suffering from TeaParytyitis."

Wanted: dishwasher or handsome rich guy.

"You're not in the gym Gary!"

Road signs of Aging

Gotta take you out, kid – You're getting booed off the field on my Twitter feed.

'How can you stand to listen to dozens of crazy people and stay sane?' - 'Who listens?.'

The sixth college sense. 'I see debt people.'

'Stop complaining or I'll take you home and serve you some of my husband's cooking!'

"These days, I don't eat homework. I just install ransomware."

'Oooh, man! You really has me going with that fake shark fin!!'