Master Of Banter Pillows

"I take the fun out of everything. What do you do?"

"Why don't you come get me? Oh that's right, you aren't allowed on the couch!"

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

'Foster's here, regarding his raise sir. Shall I have him crawl in now, or let him sweat a while?'

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

"I'll have a man overboard!"

He calls it 'delegating authority' I call it 'passing the buck'

'You're right, Mr. Benson, no question about it...I agree...yes! Absolutely! Yes...yes...'

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

When you talk about my debt to society, I thought that only referred to criminals.

"You do realise that this position is only for the assistant bootlicker to the CEO?"

"Don’t worry. You’re looking at the Frederick H. Tuttle Middle School long-jump champion."

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

The Art of Bantering!

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

'I wish i could think of some way to get away form him.' 'I wish i could think of some way to get away form her.'

'You're looking well.'

"I was listening at the door and I overheard the nickname they have for me."

"Hey Neil, I've got an idea - let's really freak everyone out and tell them you're quitting physics to become my new co-Pope."

"Let's go bowling and keep on bowling until the people who regulate bowling say it isn't bowling any more!"

'Do you mean I leave a lot to be desired bad, or a lot to be desired good?'

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

"It's the drink talking"

"I don't know—my gut tells me I should have another beer."