Master Of Persuasive Banter Pillows

Debate Class: "Why Should I Let You In?"

"Why don't you come get me? Oh that's right, you aren't allowed on the couch!"

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

'Foster's here, regarding his raise sir. Shall I have him crawl in now, or let him sweat a while?'

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

When you talk about my debt to society, I thought that only referred to criminals.

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

'Don't you think you've had enough?'

"You do realise that this position is only for the assistant bootlicker to the CEO?"

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

"I'll have a man overboard!"

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

He calls it 'delegating authority' I call it 'passing the buck'

"Hello darling, what do you do for a living?"

'You're right, Mr. Benson, no question about it...I agree...yes! Absolutely! Yes...yes...'

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

You look lovely tonight. It's a good think the coat-check girl let me check my thought balloons. !!

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

The Art of Bantering!

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

'I wish i could think of some way to get away form him.' 'I wish i could think of some way to get away form her.'

"Hey Neil, I've got an idea - let's really freak everyone out and tell them you're quitting physics to become my new co-Pope."

"I was listening at the door and I overheard the nickname they have for me."

"Let's go bowling and keep on bowling until the people who regulate bowling say it isn't bowling any more!"

"So Marty, how's business these days?" "Great. I've just sold my homing pigeon for the 34th time."

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'