Master Of Persuasive Banter Pillows

Debate Class: "Why Should I Let You In?"

"Why don't you come get me? Oh that's right, you aren't allowed on the couch!"

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

'Foster's here, regarding his raise sir. Shall I have him crawl in now, or let him sweat a while?'

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

'You're right, Mr. Benson, no question about it...I agree...yes! Absolutely! Yes...yes...'

"You do realise that this position is only for the assistant bootlicker to the CEO?"

"I'll have a man overboard!"

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

'Don't you think you've had enough?'

"Hello darling, what do you do for a living?"

He calls it 'delegating authority' I call it 'passing the buck'

When you talk about my debt to society, I thought that only referred to criminals.

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

The Art of Bantering!

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

'I wish i could think of some way to get away form him.' 'I wish i could think of some way to get away form her.'

'Bragging at the Old Physicists' & Old Writers' Home.'

"I was listening at the door and I overheard the nickname they have for me."

"Hey Neil, I've got an idea - let's really freak everyone out and tell them you're quitting physics to become my new co-Pope."

"Let's go bowling and keep on bowling until the people who regulate bowling say it isn't bowling any more!"

'Do you mean I leave a lot to be desired bad, or a lot to be desired good?'