Master Of Gags Gifts

Up your end.

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'Who folded the annual report into a paper airplane?'

"What's he going to do now, break wind?"

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

'I didn't tell you to 'be quite Frank'. I said,'be quiet, Frank'!'

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

"... And don't come back until you're ready to get funny."

"...Any more of that fowl language and you're barred!"

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

Custard pie ejects from book - 'How to be a clown'

'She must be good at mixing cement - She's been making rock cakes for years.'

King Pin

"'Ere, mate - you look like a right muppett..!"

'Always the wise guy.'

"No worries. I'm well-prepped and ready for anything they might throw at me."

Wendel enjoyed magic school but he was having a little trouble in his trickonometry class.

'His dad was a standup. He's a quip off the old block.'

Toilet Humour: 'Did you hear about the constipated human?'

"You know, Larry, you really don't have to carry that thing around to tell "knock-knock" jokes."

"Sorry about that. Just following the serving suggestion."

"He's surprisingly sensitive about heckling."

Comedy course highlights fake nose

'Ok, ok, what about this one? There was an Irishman, an Italian and an Englishman ..'

'Oooh, man! You really has me going with that fake shark fin!!'

Dummy no. 5836 was found lying in a pool of his own fake vomit.

"You'll like my mate - he's a scream..!"

'When you discovered your bark was worse than your bite, you decided to see me?'

Dara O' Briain

"Your early stuff was funnier."