Polite Humor Fan Gifts

"Well, it looks like it's just me left to get toasted. Have a great day!"

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

The Brothers Grime

10 K Tail-Chase

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

Trump Poutine

Archival Warfare

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

A Golden Non-Retriever

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

The Snooze Bar.

'General, please hire large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny.'

Beer Parasol.

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

"Rescue...we've come to join you."

"I fell to the ground from a height of about two metres when I was born: My very first stunt!"

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

tRUMp, Pirate President

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

'More government surveillance!'

No, I don

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'