Polite Humor Fan Gifts

"Well, it looks like it's just me left to get toasted. Have a great day!"

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

The Brothers Grime

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

Trump Poutine

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

A Golden Non-Retriever

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

'General, please hire large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny.'

Beer Parasol.

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

"Rescue...we've come to join you."

'More government surveillance!'

"Well, you were late and her boyfriend didn't turn up for their wedding, so....."

'Joe has been partying hard!'

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

"I fell to the ground from a height of about two metres when I was born: My very first stunt!"

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'