Plumbing Pun Gifts

'Why don't you call a plumber?'

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

Could you send a plumber out? I think the washers have gone!

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

'Ships plumber reporting for duty.'

'Well for crying out loud, why didn't you do that when I asked you?!!'

"This does NOT count as fixing the leaky faucet, mister!"

Fiction for Plumbers

'I seem to have a spare tap son.'

'If the drain's clogged with food, why not clean it out with some high fiber bran flakes?'

'When did you swallow the coin?'

"If you can read this, tell me if I need to hike up my pants."

Septic Fields Forever.

'Well... at least we know the basement doesn't leak.'

'I've been having a lot of out of potty experiences, lately.'

"I quit going to sea, and now I'm a plumber's helper."

Vicar with three taps: hot, cold and holy.

'He's the ship's plumber, Captain.'

In Case of Emergency Break Glass

'It's Clegged up, Mrs - I'm afraid it means another U-turn!'

Hot Water from the bath.

Gimme 400 rolls of duct tape.

'Mom!!'

'Ok, who didn't leave a faucet to drip so the pipes wouldn't freeze!'

Man using a plunger on his horn.

Dog Urinals.

Sponsoring a Panda

"I'm recording this so next time I swear, you'll know where I got it from."

What do you mean "try jiggling the handle"?!

'Yeah, I think we might need to call a plumber. It's overflowing again.'

'Say, aren't you the guy who owns the theater I go to? The one with $5 small sodas and $6 popcorn?. . . Well then, you'll understand if my bill for unstopping your sink is $33,000?'

'Vienna Brass Ensemble'

Hoping to compete with ABC's smash hit 'Desperate Housewives', Fox launches 'Desperate Plumbers'.

"If I can't be a plumber's apprentice, can I be a plumber's helper?"