Plumbing Amateur Gifts

"I see you've had a go at mending the dripping tap."

Kid with messed up project in Wood Shop, titled: 'Wouldn't Shop'

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

"I take it the toilet is fixed?"

"One more rinse and the inside of your car will be clean too, Dad."

' ... and this is the half bath.'

'Every child is an artist but it appears your Candice is a plumber.'

When Tia Carmen says... "A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner" it means "I can fix it with a hammer."

"What makes you think I doubt your abilities?"

DO IT YOURSELF - Four new jobs we'll all have to do ourselves

"I guess it's too late to warn you that I turned off the hot water."

Bathroom flooding (man holding tap).

'Not only did I fix the leak, but when you run the hot water it plays 'Harlem Nocturne'.'

"It's times like this I wish I was ore than just an armchair plumber."

"... 'Do it yourself enthusiast'?... No, George is more of a, 'cock it up yourself enthusiast'!"

'If the drain's clogged with food, why not clean it out with some high fiber bran flakes?'

He spends all weekend under the stupid thing, but I don't think he's really fixing anything.

A sudden draft. The moment he first felt comfortable calling himself a plumber.

"Darling! - did you know your books are crooked...?"

'My phone's been tapped!'

"Excuse me Mr. Plumber, my son just called, please be careful not to disturb his genetically altered aquatic scorpion colony."

"And this is the ultimate in low-flush toilets!"

"I'm afraid your bath is directly connected to the melting polar ice caps."

'Here's the problem,the pilot light went out.'

'I've been having a lot of out of potty experiences, lately.'

'Just how much time do you intend spending in this new tool shed of yours?'

"Jeffrey makes all our furniture himself."

'My client is therefore NOT guilty of malpractice. All he is guilty of is an error in judgment. He should have decided to be a plumber."

"I'm charging extra to remove the duct tape you thought would work."

I hate it when they start without us.

Kit-set shelving. Third attempt.

"I think you should turn the water temperature down a bit. The water melted through the tub and then through the floor."

'That's your limescale problem sorted.'