Plumbing Enthusiast Gifts

A sudden draft. The moment he first felt comfortable calling himself a plumber.

'Here's the problem,the pilot light went out.'

'That's your limescale problem sorted.'

' ... and this is the half bath.'

"Gimme 600 rolls of sticky tape."

"I'm charging extra to remove the duct tape you thought would work."

For men who suffer from split-stream.

'My phone's been tapped!'

'My client is therefore NOT guilty of malpractice. All he is guilty of is an error in judgment. He should have decided to be a plumber."

'This is the place, Fred!'

"He was a plumber in his former life."

"You should have called earlier."

"I'm afraid your bath is directly connected to the melting polar ice caps."

How to tell if your plumber is plumb.

"No wonder you're so slow. Get rid of that plunger and use a real cane."

I hate it when they start without us.

'So did the plumber want any help or not?'

I have a low flow toilet ... but not by design.

'At last! My long search is over... A plumber, I presume?'

"I guess it's too late to warn you that I turned off the hot water."

'Mom, I said if you want to live in this neighbourhood, keep a weapon at your disposal.'

"Ja?"

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

Could you send a plumber out? I think the washers have gone!

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

"I take it the toilet is fixed?"

Pipe Smoker of the Year Awards.

'Can you take the lid off this jar for me...?'

"This does NOT count as fixing the leaky faucet, mister!"

DO IT YOURSELF - Four new jobs we'll all have to do ourselves

'If the drain's clogged with food, why not clean it out with some high fiber bran flakes?'

Pipe dreams!

"Excuse me Mr. Plumber, my son just called, please be careful not to disturb his genetically altered aquatic scorpion colony."

Caricature of Stanley Baldwin, PM.