Playground Pitchers Gifts

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

"My political platform focuses on more ice cream and more frisbee chasing, with less chores and fewer baths."

'Red Rover, Red Rover...'

A child sitting on a swing - while playing with a hand-held electronic device or phone

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

'Don't be so dramatic and get into my office!'

Basketball

Busking, "Stop worrying your father for money."

'Sorry, I can't come: Young Master has joined the scouts and tied me up with a fancy knot I can't work out...'

"I tested very high in playing."

Mood swings: Swing 1 - 'Looks like it's going to be another wonderful day!' Swing 2 - 'Who CARES link brain! I hope it rains acid!!' Swing 3 - 'I think i'm going to CRRRY!'

Football anagram: Curse straw mat (Answer: Marcus Stewart.)

'Oh,oh, Regina has her lawyer with her.'

'Here is my proposal for making our department more productive. The proposal contains my best cognitive distortions.'

'You sure your dad won't mind if we use his silicone spray?'

Footballer changes shirt with the ref.

"I think it’s time we started holding other kids’ hands."

"Oh, it's just more white-male stuff."

I'm trying out for the spring play. You'll be great! Ha! You'll be grateful to be an usher, Meryl Creep. Yeah. The good parts go to real actors. Sigh. The arts are sooo uplifting.

'I think your son is being bullied. He's suffering 80% Chinese wrist burns.'

'Be careful, Vanessa, I think she's looking for trouble!'

"This is the only time of the year when we get to hit the children."

Boys in the cloakroom.

"It was a professional hit..."

'Oh come on, there's only one of them, you just have to keep an eye out.'

Planeterrium.

The question "Is it safe to be on that thing?" means something different today than it did a year ago.

'I have to hang up now. I'm getting some static on another line.'

Bowled out.

Sent to the corner on school sports day.

Pinata Pranks

Galileo, Newton, Koufax

"Stupid bullies. I would try to defend myself – but what if I lose? Who would cover my legal expenses?"

"I think Wendy likes me... she kept the spitwad I threw at her!"

'Is there anything more infectious than the laughter of children?... Besides us, I mean.'