Playground Pitchers Gifts

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

"My political platform focuses on more ice cream and more frisbee chasing, with less chores and fewer baths."

'Red Rover, Red Rover...'

A child sitting on a swing - while playing with a hand-held electronic device or phone

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

'Don't be so dramatic and get into my office!'

Busking, "Stop worrying your father for money."

Basketball

'Sorry, I can't come: Young Master has joined the scouts and tied me up with a fancy knot I can't work out...'

"I tested very high in playing."

Mood swings: Swing 1 - 'Looks like it's going to be another wonderful day!' Swing 2 - 'Who CARES link brain! I hope it rains acid!!' Swing 3 - 'I think i'm going to CRRRY!'

'Oh,oh, Regina has her lawyer with her.'

'Here is my proposal for making our department more productive. The proposal contains my best cognitive distortions.'

'You sure your dad won't mind if we use his silicone spray?'

"Oh, it's just more white-male stuff."

Footballer changes shirt with the ref.

'I think your son is being bullied. He's suffering 80% Chinese wrist burns.'

"I think it’s time we started holding other kids’ hands."

'Be careful, Vanessa, I think she's looking for trouble!'

Boys in the cloakroom.

"This is the only time of the year when we get to hit the children."

'I have to hang up now. I'm getting some static on another line.'

'Oh come on, there's only one of them, you just have to keep an eye out.'

Planeterrium.

"It was a professional hit..."

Sent to the corner on school sports day.

Bowled out.

"I think Wendy likes me... she kept the spitwad I threw at her!"

Galileo, Newton, Koufax

"Stupid bullies. I would try to defend myself – but what if I lose? Who would cover my legal expenses?"

'Is there anything more infectious than the laughter of children?... Besides us, I mean.'

"O.K., now, when a teacher comes out, everybody look straight up."