Baseball Pitcher Gifts

"Should I practice my violin or my curve ball?"

Galileo, Newton, Koufax

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

Radar Gun Readings at Baseball Stadium

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

"I AM at my usual position."

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"I was sent down to the minors and from there to Europe, and one thing just led to another."

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

"Damn those dugout Martinis!"

Perils of the double play.

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

'Unbelievable, these guys brought a ringer.'

Bases loaded, no outs. And coach once again turns to his trusty golden reliever.

The Other Cooperstown

'Let's give it five more minutes. If they haven't eased up on the lasers by then, we'll have to postpone the game.'

'I shoulda told you guys. . . Marmaduke makes up his own rules as we go along.'

Currently Boston

"All this pitching and hitting- I'm convinced there's a deeper meaning to it all."

Zeus injects himself with steroids before throwing lightning bolts

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

'OK, now let's switch places.'

"I thought it was a strike, Troy—but ask your mother."

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'