Statistical Pitcher Gifts

'Well if that's the case, I'll throw him mostly curves.'

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

"I don't believe I've missed a single sign since you made the switch to Power Point."

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

The Giamatti era

'I'll take the one on the right.'

'I know, we'll lead off the presentation with me telling an incredibly long and seemingly pointless anecdote about the time I burned my finger while lighting the back yard grill...'

'15% of Americans don't have chairs in their living rooms, and of that 15%, 73% don't even realize it.'

Baseball Dreams

'Here is my proposal for making our department more productive. The proposal contains my best cognitive distortions.'

'Obviously, for Ben's proposal to really take off, he'll need a longer runway than our little company can provide!'

'Looks like the latest crime figures have been stolen.'

'...and as a consequence, you lot all redundant. I'm not making it up.'

Balk? Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk!

"I still thinking he's putting something unidentified on the ball."

'Balk!'

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

'Our sabermetrics guy has confirmed that last year's team that went 60-102 was bad.'

Baseball manager shows pitcher complicated charts.

'Yes, Haffner appears to be tiring...'

"Wow! That's a mean curveball."

'This wouldn't have happened if you'd played catch with me more.'

"Idiot! I signaled for a sinker!"

Tommy John Surgery.

The rotator cuff fairy.

"It's time to break up the company!!"

'17 of the 23 of the 456 people who returned 76 of the 12 questionnaires thought the statistics were meaningless.'

Look, Rusty, your fastball's working and your sinker's dropping perfectly. But if you can't stop chasing the ball after you throw it, I'm gonna have to put you down -- In the minors, Rusty. Oh! You should see your face!