Playful Resolution Gifts

"I know we've had our differences in the past but if you scratch behind my ears I'll show you where the catnip is kept."

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

'You may now kick the bride.'

'Before we start, I'd like legal representation.'

'Remember last Saturday. . . you were bold that day. No dear, caught.'

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

Great doing business with you. I look forward to next year.

"My New Year's resolution is to lose thirty-eight thousand pounds."

'We've been playing house for 5 minutes, and she's already nagging me to get a job.'

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

'Attention everyone! I'd like to make a rebuttal of the resolution my husband just made about my going SHOPPING.'

"My new year resolutions were to continue eating, drinking, smoking and gambling...and I've stuck to all of them!"

"When I'm with you, Ted, I feel dirty."

'I wasn't expecting this when they said they wanted to settle out of court!!'

Wife asking husband what resolutions he is going to make for the new century

'You haven't seem my New Years Resolutions have you?...The one where I'm committing to 2,5000 billable hours and pulling in 6 major clients.'

'Little Nurse' daughter trying to distract Daddy so he cuts himself shaving

'My new year's resolution is to stay home next new year's eve.'

Their first New Year's solution was easy to fulfill: turning the foodchain.

Good intentions last a month on average

New Years Resolutions: Join Gym. . .Cancel Gym.

'I knew I shouldn't have brought you along. I haven't had a hit all day.'

"Ah, but that wasn't a campaign promise - It was a NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION!"

"Well, last year I kicked gambling. . . the odds are 3 to 1 the New Year will be a good one."

"Warm and rich, fresh and bright, with depth and intensity. Not the wine, you."

"Your New Years resolution was to give up the grog!"

A man playing with a baby

"Sure-fire weight loss program."

'Remember - don't make any New Years resolutions for me!'

"That was fun- we should do New Year's more often."

'Just thinking about New Year's resolutions makes me tired.'

'I made up my mind to spend less time on line, and I was doing real well 'til they brought the computer back from the shop.'