Quirky Resolution Keeper Gifts

"My new year resolutions were to continue eating, drinking, smoking and gambling...and I've stuck to all of them!"

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"I know we've had our differences in the past but if you scratch behind my ears I'll show you where the catnip is kept."

"It's all a matter of planning...."

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

Great doing business with you. I look forward to next year.

"I'm trying to gain 10 pounds before midnight so I can keep my resolution to lose 10 pounds next year."

"Well, you said you wanted something to remove spiders from the bath!"

Man In The Stocks Used As A Clock

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

'Well, there goes the last of my New Years resolutions...'

'Attention everyone! I'd like to make a rebuttal of the resolution my husband just made about my going SHOPPING.'

The trick to losing weight is to eat a small portion and wait 10 minutes. By then your resolve has caught up with your appetite!

'Let it go. Get on with your death.'

Wife asking husband what resolutions he is going to make for the new century

A "half-life" is the time it takes for a quantity of a radioactive material to be cut in half by decay. In each successive half-life period, the quantity is halved again. Half-life length varies widely form element to element. Eating healthier is a common new year's resolution. Our data shows breaking this resolution follows a curve like those seen with nuclear decay. As of yesterday about ten percent of those who made the resolution this year are still sticking to it. We calculated the re

'My new year's resolution is to stay home next new year's eve.'

'You haven't seem my New Years Resolutions have you?...The one where I'm committing to 2,5000 billable hours and pulling in 6 major clients.'

Their first New Year's solution was easy to fulfill: turning the foodchain.

What can I get you? Ham sandwich with extra cheese. Double banana split. Side of sugar. Coming up, sir. I am abandoning my New Year's diet! If you're gonna go down, go down in flames. Burn these gym clothes!

My New Year's resolution is to be a better person. Very noble. I want to work harder to improve the planet. What's your resolution, mom? Pretty much the same. To be a better-looking person? Hey! It's planetary cleanup. Nan's Hair and Nails.

My resolution this year? Getting in shape so I can lift my favorite snacks!

If it makes you fell any better, I had to make seven New Year's resolutions, and I'm sure I'll break every last one. Ice cream.

Good intentions last a month on average

New Years Resolutions: Join Gym. . .Cancel Gym.

"I don't have time for New Year's resolutions, I'm still working on the backlog from 1998-2000."

"I feel like all I did in January was work out, eat healthy, strive for meaningful and balanced relationships, and improve my sleep schedule -- thank god that nightmare's over."

"Ah, but that wasn't a campaign promise - It was a NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION!"

"Sure-fire weight loss program."

Great ... Thanks to your "calendar" invention, now I have to think of a New Year's resolution.

"We're cutting back on therapy. You?"

"Your New Years resolution was to give up the grog!"

"You owe us more than your house is worth. One of our depositors will be moving in with you to help even things out."

'The exercise hasn't been a total failure. My personal trainer lost 10 pounds.'

'I'm here to sign up for a membership since the muscle shirt didn't work.'