Quirky Resolution Keeper Pillows

"My new year resolutions were to continue eating, drinking, smoking and gambling...and I've stuck to all of them!"

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"I know we've had our differences in the past but if you scratch behind my ears I'll show you where the catnip is kept."

"It's all a matter of planning...."

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

Great doing business with you. I look forward to next year.

"Well, you said you wanted something to remove spiders from the bath!"

Man In The Stocks Used As A Clock

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

'Well, there goes the last of my New Years resolutions...'

'Attention everyone! I'd like to make a rebuttal of the resolution my husband just made about my going SHOPPING.'

'Let it go. Get on with your death.'

The trick to losing weight is to eat a small portion and wait 10 minutes. By then your resolve has caught up with your appetite!

Wife asking husband what resolutions he is going to make for the new century

My resolution this year? Getting in shape so I can lift my favorite snacks!

Their first New Year's solution was easy to fulfill: turning the foodchain.

'You haven't seem my New Years Resolutions have you?...The one where I'm committing to 2,5000 billable hours and pulling in 6 major clients.'

'My new year's resolution is to stay home next new year's eve.'

Good intentions last a month on average

"I don't have time for New Year's resolutions, I'm still working on the backlog from 1998-2000."

New Years Resolutions: Join Gym. . .Cancel Gym.

"Sure-fire weight loss program."

"Ah, but that wasn't a campaign promise - It was a NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION!"

"You owe us more than your house is worth. One of our depositors will be moving in with you to help even things out."

"I feel like all I did in January was work out, eat healthy, strive for meaningful and balanced relationships, and improve my sleep schedule -- thank god that nightmare's over."

"Your New Years resolution was to give up the grog!"

"We're cutting back on therapy. You?"

'The exercise hasn't been a total failure. My personal trainer lost 10 pounds.'

'I'm here to sign up for a membership since the muscle shirt didn't work.'

"That was fun- we should do New Year's more often."